A Field Guide to the Wild American BUD LIGHT CAN, State flower of West Virginia

20161231_135143

The Bud Light Can (Canus Budus Litus), is a hardy superabundant species of aluminum can with a range contiguous to the borders of the American lower forty-eight states, Alaska, Hawaii, parts of Canada and Mexico. Occasional specimens have been found in other countries, where it is often considered an invasive species. Reports of a Bud Light can discovery on the moon cannot be verified at this time.

The Bud Light can is a persistent perennial, and while harvesting generally begins in early spring, when the snow melts, the species can be found in any season of the year. It is typically found along roadsides, both on major thoroughfares and by-ways, and especially on gravel and dirt roads. High concentrations can be found at and within the first half mile of trailheads. It is seldom discovered more than a half-mile walk from a road.

Bud Light can studies is in its infancy. There is as yet no institutional support or tenure-track faculty who teach the subject. The major book publishers refuse to read manuscripts on the topic, and practitioners in the field speak openly about being blacklisted by the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and other anti-Bud Light studies newspapers. Further proof of the media blackout can be shown by the fact that within ten years no major journal in anthropology, sociology, environmental studies, history, or urban studies has published an article on the topic. While, it is true, a lone article about the discover of a single Bug Light can discovered in Mammoth Cave appeared in 2006 in the Journal of the Midwest America Speleological Society, this journal was subsequently and coincidentally (?) investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation in 2008, shortly before its demise in 2009. To those who continue to prevent dissemination of information about this crucial topic, I must only ask “What have you to hide?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: