Application to be a Peer-Reviewer for the Journal of Delays and Excuses

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The Journal of Delays and Excuses (impact factor 0.0) welcomes applications to join our review board from scholars who work at prestigious universities or who have hyphenated surnames (British, French, or African-sounding names preferred.)  To be considered, you must have the rank of at least an associate professor with not a single moment free in the next six to eight months. Inability to keep up with basic daily emails a plus. True to our name and purpose, our minimal response time is nine months to one year. At that time, we email the author of the submission to acknowledge that we have received their article and have begun seeking reviewers. If you wish to be considered as reviewer #2, please provide evidence of your cruelty, such as a picture of you abusing animals or a copy of one of your more annoying assignments for your graduate students.